A novel idea to free up hospital beds

The hospitals have become a great place for R and R, great and comfortable environment, clean, sanitized and airconed. And there are so many pretty and young nurses to take care of the patients’ needs and recreation. Who doesn’t want to extend his stay in the hospitals when it is so luxurious and fun? The patients would be so happy and pampered in bed, why would they want to leave the hospitals?

I have a novel idea that is a win win for everyone. The nurses will be free to do other more important nursing work. The patients would not want to stay in the hospital for too long. And operation cost could come down too and with more beds to spare.

The magic formula, retrain and convert the uncles and aunties in the foodcourts who are very experience in cleaning tables, plates and bowls to clean the patients. They are so good in this cleaning job that with every swipe all the dirt will come off. And they can clean more patients in shorter time. And the cost of redesignating them as nurses will definitely be lower while they will get a higher income than be cleaners in the foodcourts and hawker centres. With better income they will be more enthusiastic and motivated to do a better job, better morale. Think they will also be more cheerful and less grouchy.

And the benefits for the hospitals will be higher turnover of patients, thus freeing the precious bed spaces for more deserving patients. And the Ah Mahs and Ah Kongs are less likely to be job hoppers and would work till they call it a day. This is a good case for raising productivity of the Ah Kong and Ah Mah nurses, the pretty nurses to doing real nursing jobs, and the hospitals with lesser problems of bed shortages since patients would be cleaned so fast that there would be no reason for them wanting to stay in the hospital a day longer.

What do you think, Gan Kim Yong?

PS. I got inspiration from Agongkia to write this piece.


oldhorse42 said...

I think you have imbibe too much coffee for your own good. You should drink more red bean soup instead.
You and your perverse sense of humour! Getting kopi tiam uncles and aunties with their germs and disease to clean the patients will just do them in, sooner rather than later.
Our MP Chia already pronounced thst that this hospital bed crunch is a seasonal thing that happened in Dec school holidays only.
The sons and daughters go for long holidays and leave their aged parents in the hospitals to look after them.

agongkia said...

Thank you Mr Red Bean Sir for having my name mention.You surely deserve more kopi C siew Tai from me here.

We must take precaution especially when we chongkong and force that kind of medi insurance on citizen for insurance.
If insurance pay for everything,Ah Lau and in future me,may tend to stay longer and wayang wayang like very sick so as not to be discharge in order to continue getting those free pretty and chio chio foreign nurses to bathe for them.

So getting those Lau Char Bor,Chia Char Bor and those Lau kok kok to bath for them is the way to go.
Not only they will ask for immediate discharge,they may even go AWOL and run away from hospital.Elderly also got jobs.

Also no need to built more hospital beds since we feel many like to stay in comfortable hospital and we face shortage of beds.Win Win Win situation.

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

A little dark humour for the weekend: )

And thanks for the kopi c, agongkia.

Anonymous said...

we cannot pull the aunties and uncles away from the foodcourts....

we must think out of the box.....

we must automate and increase productivity.....perhaps centralisation of bathing.....

we can think of auto car wash concept...

we can have patients sit on wheel chairs and place them on a moving conveyor belt....they will then go through a AUTO-BATHING CABIN where first they will be soaped, cleaned and then dried, all within the AUTO-BATHING CABIN......

pls DO NOT take this funny option too seriously.........


Anonymous said...


Let's the old uncles n aunties perform strip shows n tiger shows lah

Trip down memory lane and an eye opener for the new generations

Bringing back the goodies from yesterday.... mechinta, queen bee etc.

Knnccb... sob hsien loong, tiu kow li

agongkia said...

@anon 10.0 am
That option is not funny and can be consider.Maybe inject them and make them stiff like what we use to do on those who pass away except drawing out their blood,before putting them on the moving conveyor belt.
Everything must go automation.

Ⓜatilah $ingapura⚠️ said...

Cannot lah redbean. If the auntie-uncle brigade go to the healthcare sector, who is going to clean the food courts?

You know that Singaporean are very messy eaters, and a food court needs constant cleaning or some govt minister will get angry.

So we need aunty-uncle, or Singaporeans will die of starvation.

It is easy to get more hospital beds. All you do is simply DOUBLE or TRIPLE the price. :-)

Another way is you EUTHANIZE the "gone cases" -- especially those who have self-inflicted "lifestyle" diseases like alcohol and tobacco related conditions like diabetes.

I think all diabetics (a generally self-inflicted condition) should be killed off. The government can pass a law to make this legal. Then you'll have plenty of hospital beds :-)

Anonymous said...

Should make one of you the minister for Health. All these simple problems would be solved long long ago.

Anonymous said...

Knn.... walked... limped pass a pcf kindergarten

Had a shocked... nearly heart attack, saw the name list stuck on the wall

About 40% of the names not ah being, Ahmad, gopal or peter

But aliens sounding names
Ramos, Jesus, Arun, thaw myin, dai ziyang, digshit ..... etc

Luckily.... no name called knnccb!

knnccb.... will these kids grow up n becUm as daft as native kids?

agongkia said...

My parent are non smoker or drinker but one of them is a diabetes so diabetes is not self inflicted.

I rather you consider those suffering from erectile dysfunction as self inflicted for euthanize,since majority though not all are said to have the tendency of screwing everywhere and boasting on their pervert act,and may frighten off those sweet foreign nurse.

Anonymous said...

Matilah will sure volunteer to help clean all the helpless sweet young things lying motionless on the hospital beds right now.
MS will be very good for cleaning up all the difficult to reach places ... where the sun doesn't shine.

Say cheese.

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

Agongkia, your kopi c siew tai only a teaspoon that's all. I thought you are going to pour me a pot or at least a big cup.

Ⓜatilah $ingapura⚠️ said...


Yes, the general principle for the objective of having more hospital beds is figuring who to kill off LEGALLY.

I say diabetes, you say flaccid dicks...this is a matter for parliament to decide, by rational debate and consensus. Leave the govt to decide --- they are watching out for us all.

Unfortunately some people's parents will have to be killed off. There is no getting around that. Luckily, we have very smart people in parliament, so we can simply leave it up to them to decide.

Because most of the parliamentarians are cold-blooded psychopaths who can do morally repugnant things without any emotion or guilt, We needn't worry about "morality" or "human decency" or "rights to life" such nonsense which will get in the way of legally murdering hapless people, like parents and grand parents -- for the overall good of the nation, of course.


The unfortunate PYTs who have to be killed for the good of the national health system needn't die in vain. I will cut off their heads and keep a few heads in my freezer. Then when I'm too lazy to jack off or go out, I can simply grab a head of a PYT and shove my cock in her mouth. Instant blowjob.

Think of it as "recycling".

b said...

It sounds ridiculously that one 80 yo have to be trained to wash the ass of one 70 yo patient?

Why must old people be working? The ministers should make sure they have proper retirement and let them depart the world in a peaceful way else they should come back and haunt the ministers.

Anonymous said...

@ January 10, 2014 5:00 pm

"Why must old people be working?"

Ya lor!
Just look at LKY.
Working so hard to groom & mentor the PAPigs.

"The ministers should make sure they have proper retirement and let them depart the world in a peaceful way else they should come back and haunt the ministers."

Ya lor!
Just look at LKY.
Don't you think our Ministers should plan for a proper retirement for him?


Anonymous said...


Creating a part time for yourself, do count me in, and bring all the newspaper, recycle ma.


Anonymous said...

Evening puppet show time after 5pm. Lol

Anonymous said...

S stand for what:

Senile, sickos, schizophrenics, sickman, SIAO!

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

Come to think of it there is one reason to legalise drugs and control its use for the oldies. Let the oldies enjoy their retirement in fantasies, with pleasure and no pain.

Seeing them struggling with those physical equipment in physiotherapy just don't look so right.

Won't that be nice : )