A year of masturbation

I was quite amused by this article in the Today paper by Devadas Krishnadas. It has a title, ‘A year of maturation for Singapore’. He went on to list out some of the major events that happened and how PAP reacted to them. Let me take a different perspective on the events that were the highlights of 2013.

The most fearful and unhappy event was the Population White Paper with a 6.9m target by 2030. The two huge protests that were unexpected let to a series of masturbations with the 6.9m being explained as only a planning number. This was subsequently supported with great plans to build three mature housing estates that could take in enough people to fit in nicely with the 6.9m number. Maybe these housing plans are also for planning purposes only.

The attendance numbers of those protestors in Hong Lim were masturbated from a range of 10,000 to 2,000, the former reported in social media and the latter in the main media. The crowd was so big that the reporters had serious problems counting or telling the difference between a 10,000 crowd and a 2,000 crowd.

A related problem to the 6.9m population is the influx of foreign workers and how the citizens were losing out to foreigners in employment. The trick to soften, blur, diffuse or confuse was to throw out employment numbers with citizens and PRs lumped together as locals. This kind of masturbation did not bring about the ecstasy but more anger and ridicule by the unhappy citizens. They refused to be misled by such wishy washy data and are demanding that the masturbation stops. Unfortunately no one is listening and data for locals continue to be published as the right data.

The next masturbation was the PSI numbers churning out and reported in the news as current numbers. These were met with another outcry when the people on the ground were engulfed by thick haze but the PSI numbers were reported as non hazardous. With the protest getting louder, it was further explained that a 24 hour PSI number is better than a current number. Of course no one believed in this baloney.

The new Media regulation to masturbate the new media needed no further explanation. It was crude masturbation under the glaring eyes of the public. What else is there to say?

And there was this huge National Conversation that was abbreviated to Natcon. Subsequently, after a few more sessions of masturbation it was renamed Our Singapore Conversation. And the intent was to get Sinkies involved in national policy making or like bringing the govt to ground level.

The Little India riot was unforgettable. How to masturbate a major outbreak of violence on the streets when policemen were injured and police vehicles were burnt? It ran short of calling it a once in 50 year happening. It was a once off incident caused by alcohol. And the rioters were very nice people. And some even said it was normal, they are like that. So no big problem really. It would not happen again.

The biggest and most natural of all the masturbations must be the two cases involving senior public officers in the car parks. And the icing was that the women were throwing themselves at the ‘pop stars’.

What a year of masturbation!


The said...

As they say up north across the causeway - shiok sendiri


Rb, the difference in "maturation" and "masturbation" is an extra "s" and "b" .....

Biologically, in order for "masturbation" to take place, "maturation" precedes.

After the year of "maturation" in 2013, what comes next in 2014 ..... ?

Any intelligent guess .....?

Anybody? Since 2013 is coming to a close in less than 40 hours time ......

Somehow, there is a lingering sense that with that kind of "heading" for 2013, 2014 may start on an ominous note of the possible biological sequence ....... !?

Let's hope not.

rex said...

And the rioters were very nice people

redbean you forgot to mention the corollary,"Singaporeans commit more crime than foreigners", the king of all masturbations to feel good.

Yam Seng! what a rogue goverhment in pap we have. shame.

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

I like to yam seng also but the kopi chart is falling. How to masturbate so that it will rise higher: )

agongkia said...

2013 is ending and its time to forget about the past and move forward.
Think of a solution instead of kpkb.
To prevent 6.9.Sinkies should work longer hours voluntarily.

The so call riot is not a riot to me.Its just a case of more people getting involve in an incident.

Its actually good sometimes for such incident to happen as we can learn many things from the incident and also a reminder of low crime doesn't mean no crime or to the SOC,rare incident doesn't mean no incident.

The 2 public officers in the car park cases are also human being
.It shows that they like ordinary Sinkies who also have feeling.
Should not punish them more as they already faced the music.

Be magnanimous.

Anonymous said...

rb: / I like to yam seng also but the kopi chart is falling. How to masturbate so that it will rise higher: ) /

Take a page out of our "senior civil servants" from their frolic with Chio Bus in cars, east coast park, hospital carparks, apartments ......

Throw in the "BJ"

Yum Song ...... ha ha ha

Anonymous said...


Seems like only the Masturbaters are enjoying, the Rest prefer real coitus.

Masturbaters are second class, maybe even pariah in the eyes of
many. Some will call them perverts too.

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

'Its actually good sometimes for such incident to happen as we can learn many things from the incident...'

I like what agongkia said in this quote. I shall modify it a bit to say, 'It's good to have such incidents. It shows that our economy is vibrant and that is why we have so many foreign workers and this kind of incidents.'

Anonymous said...

rb / I like to yam seng also but the kopi chart is falling. How to masturbate so that it will rise higher: ) /

Write another more "SPICY" post .....

Suggested title:

" 1) Year of Blow Jobs, CHIO BUs and .......

2) Year of YUM SONG

3) Year of KOPI KAU

4) Year of S$10 billion Pennies

5) Year of GAFFES

6) Year of PR Fiasco

7) Year of Nasi Pandang

8) Year of Baey

or finally

should it be

9) 2014 - YEAR OF BAEY ( HORSE, 马 )"

HAPPY NEW YEAR in advance ......

in the year of the BAEY ( HORSE, 马 ) in 2014 :)))))

hopefully it will not turn out to be:

" Bo BAEY Chow "

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

That's a long wish list for the year. One topic a month enough for 9 months : )

Anonymous said...

Rb, since the year coming to a close and a brand new year beckons, why not start the celebratory mood and open a champagne ........

Yummmmmmmmmmmmmm .................... SONG

Cheers .......

Hope the new year will not get any juicer.

My heart may not take it .......

Oh, my nose bleeding liao ...........

Anonymous said...

Overall Singapore taxes is likely to be much higher then the Nordic countries? Consider the fact that with all those Levies, COE, GST, ERP and CPF locked up schemes for life and other schemes etc?

For the low wages workers because of the levies on foreign workers, their pay are kept so low and depressed they hardly able to survive to day inflation and might possibly lost their jobs to the foreigners one of these days, and they hardly got savings, and their CPF locked up for life schemes?

So sometime they got some handout to support their depressed pay?

For the better income then the lower wage workers their contributions to indirect taxes and competitions with more and more foreign workers likely eat away all their savings if unlucky their job take away from them from the foreign workers and likely to be depressed?

Most of their income likely spent on COE, ERP, GST, Levies and other schemes etc?

If more and more foreigners come which target 6.9 millions people?

More and more new citizens came to take away the older new citizens will lose their jobs or depress pay, later part of their life they likely to live like the Hong Kong cage houses or sleep in the street?

The benefit most were the ministers which got the highest pay in the world, they only give back some benefit maybe during the 2016 to make people happy?

The Nordic system has the higher pay to the jobs the said people don't want in SIngapore and higher taxes, they have no indirect taxes? Their ministers pay is 10 time lower then the Singapore systems?

If more oppositions came in the ministers pay are likely to be lower comparable to the Nordic systems, so they don't need so much indirect taxes and foreigners importing to maintain it?

Nordic bottom pay workers were much more higher then Singapore? Their engineers pay not alot of difference from the cleaners pay?

The don't lure foreigners to contribute to the indirect taxes systems, which need more and more foreigners to join the systems? They have less inequality and much higher birthrates? Their old ages enjoy their golden years looking after their grand children and work life balance much better?

The have a very successful multi parties systems which each different parties contribute their best to the people?

But most of the direct taxes are the people savings they don't import people to depress pay or take away jobs? The taxes are people savings to give back to free education until graduate, jobless benefits, each countries has their own interpretation and old ages benefits, you don't see them work until they died?

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

We have the best financial system with the lowest tax in the world. Believe me, it is true.

Lets yamseng with Saudi version champagne. Can't afford the real stuff now.

Anonymous said...

PAP Masturbation Jokes

Here's a funny thot:
Let's all masturbate before shaking a PAP politician's hand in GE 2016.

Hsien Loong nimble.
Hsien Loong was quick.
But Ho Ching prefers the candlestick.

The three old former PAP Ministers were sitting around complaining about how much their hands shook.
The first Minister said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I shaved this morning I cut my face!"

The second old Minister one-upped him, "My hands shake so bad that
when I trimmed my garden yesterday I sliced all my flowers!"

The third old Minister laughed and said, "That's nothing, my hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times.

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

Nice one. Two times too many.

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