CPF is an idiot proof retirement scheme

I am inspired, truly inspired, by what the leaders in the PAP Women’s Wing said about putting more money into the CPF for the wives. On first impression it sounded silly, and I thought so too, until I put on my thinking cap and realised how brilliant it is. I cannot blame those people who are so angry with all the things that are happening to the CPF Scheme and their money that is being transformed into not their money in many ways. It is a good lesson to learn. Once you put your money into someone else pocket, you might as well forget it.

Let me explain why the suggestion to put more money into the wives CPF accounts and why I called the CPF Scheme an idiot proof scheme make sense. I am sure all of you understand the meaning of idiot proof. It means it is safe even in the hands of an idiot. So, if one is an idiot, put your money in the CPF is absolutely safe. For there is this very caring and clever govt always there to look after your money and make sure it will be there for the rest of your life and with a lot to spare even after you passed away. In other words, your money cannot finish even after you are finished.

Other than the idiots, people that are prone to gamble away their money, people that are irresponsible with their money, stupid people that could easily be conned of their money, or anyone that does not know how to manage his money, the idiot proof CPF Scheme is the safest. Put your money there and it is guaranteed that the money would always be there, paying good interest rates some more.

And don’t forget about putting more money into the wives accounts too as recommended by the PAP Women’s Wing. The money would also be safe there in the wives’ accounts. But before doing that, remember to ask a few questions or the wives will kill you. Check if your wife is an idiot. Check if your wife is a gambler. Check if your wife is irresponsible or careless with money. Check if you can trust your wife if you give her good money in cash. If all the answers are yes and the last answer is no, then put whatever money you want to give to your wife into the CPF. Then you can feel very safe with the money and your wife not squandering it away.

Now you understand why this idiot proof CPF Scheme is an ideal scheme? Over to you wives.


jjgg said...

RB...never fear..every day we have the government telling us to behave responsibly blabla...one day..the government is going to wake up , do the responsible thing,and return us our cpf money ..IN OUR LIFETIME!!!

Ok....maybe pigs can't fly....

agongkia said...

Put money into their Cpf account especially the well to do housewives is better than giving them cash.
Seen those taitais squandering their easily accessible money on fashionable clothes ,polishing nails , dancing and singing karaoke and trying to cheeko with me, I really heart pain.

agongkia said...
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Matilah_Singapura said...

Most women, and therefore wives love to play tontine---which essentially is a privately run Ponzi Scheme.

Since CPF appears to be a type of Ponzi Scheme, it is only logical and natural to your Old Lady's account with more dough.

Remember, the more you give, the more The Dictator will bestow you blessings.

To redbean: My next "prediction" for CPF

The Quitter Tax

This more I consulted the Oracle Of My Morning Shit---(i.e. you take a morning shit and then before you flush, look at the stuff in the toilet for hidden messages) and was informed by the Oracle in her celestial wisdom that a future move by the govt. is to impose some form of EXIT TAX to people who emigrate and renounce their citizenship. (aka: bloody fools). Their plan to collect the entire amount of CPF will be thwarted as some of the money will be withheld as TAXATION.

The govt. in its "intelligently applied evil" will label it a QUITTER TAX, and The Sheeple---mainly jealous fuckers who already look down on emigres as "quitters"---will unanimously and universally support this tax. ENVY. It is human nature: "If I can't get my money, neither should you!"

Another reason the Local Sheeple population will support this is because they are aware, and HATE the fact that foreigners come to their island paradise, steal their jobs, become New Citizens, amass wealth, and then have the luxury of renouncing their citizenship, selling up, cashing in their healthy CPF accounts and fucking off back to their cuntrees or moving elsewhere. This make the local sheeple OUTRAGED, and so they are very likely to support this "Quitter Tax".

I doubt this will be implemented before the 2016 GE as the incumbents need the unswerving support of the New Citizens.

But eventually it will come, and you read it here first, thanks to the Oracle of My Morning Shit.

CPF== Tax. Cashing in CPF == tax again. WOW!

Bend over much?

patriot said...

Open a CPF for all the Newborns as well, they will not spend a cent of it until the CPF Board allows. By the time they reach 50, they should have no problem retiring with handsome monthly drawdown.
The PAP Women's Wing lacks depth in their ideas, just like the Schools of Strategy and Policy Studies.


Anonymous said...

If your wife keeps losing millions and even billions of dollars playing investment genius.
It probably is no wonder you would want to put money into her CPF account ... so that she cannot easily touch that money.

Anonymous said...

Only idiots would ever vote for a government that keeps wanting to take money away from us.

Anonymous said...

MS, you dinosaur or your mother dinosaur? Today women play tontine?

I must say I like your shit idea. Keep smelling the shit and you will get smarter. The garment may pick it up and supported by Chia Yong Yong that CPF is being topped up by the garment, so the garment can take back those it topped up plus all the interest accrued.

This shit idea can. Give the man more shit!

Anonymous said...

RB, now you're thinking like the elitist mandarins in our govt!! Like their founder LKY said, he would do all the thinking for us never mind what we think. Since they are so brilliant with astronomical IQs, we must seem to be like idiots compared to them. That would explain why the CPF scheme is the way it is - meant for idiots.

Anonymous said...

The mistakes we make (and the lessons learnt) belong to us and make us unique.
And even this, the papigs want to take away from us and our children.
Vote out the motherfuckers.

Anonymous said...

How many men will be murdered by their wives for announcing to the world that their wives are idiots and cannot be trusted with monies?

And how many idiotic men deserve that fate?

RB, many people may not understand your punchline.

Anonymous said...

On first impression it sounded silly, and I thought so too, until I put on my thinking cap and realised how brilliant it is.

But u know who is behind the idea? I think it is not the leaders in the PAP Women’s Wing.

I suspect it came from the PAP PM in waiting and master strategist Kee Chiu. Anything that is brilliant, 93% chance must have come from him.

Matilah_Singapura said...

@ 959:

What did I tell you folks, this Quitter Tax is going to be liked by many of the local sheeple.

The PAP WW is well aware that every vagina is a private free market economy. Women discover this around the ages of 12-14 when they start sprouting breasts and getting their curves. They notice that their dirty-old man uncles and bothers' friends all want to bang them, and Japanese guys want to sniff and taste their soiled underwear---soiled of course from the effluent "girl juices" from their teenage pussies.

Very soon they come to realise that (heterosexual) men will exchange money for temporary or occasional use of their vaginas. This supreme power of women bestows an "unfair advantage" over men, to the point they fall into the institution of penis entrapment aka "marriage". His cock is held hostage. Should he want to be a free man again, releasing his lan chiau to freely roam the earth once again in search of adventure and fun, he must pay a fee to his captor for release of his penis. We know this as divorce settlement.

Occasionally, the man will come across opportunities to temporarily escape his captor, and engage in extra-marital affairs or whoring at popular place like Geylang, where on a good day you might run into your boss, uncle, both friends and enemies or maybe even your dad.

Whether you get your “extra pussy” from Geylang or Craigslist, it will cost you MONEY.

To a woman, her vagina is an ATM, a single-owner operator private enterprise cash-flow generator. You use, you pay.

In Singapore, we are all used to ERP already, and our national mantras of “no money no honey” and “no money no talk”.

Well done to the PAP WW for highlighting this fact of life, and reminding the men that the more they give up for their wives (Penis Captors), the less they will have for those wonderfully wicked and wild trysts with other hot gals, who also trade pussy for money.

patriot said...

I tend to feel that those who pay up ransoms are as guilty as those that take them(ransoms).




Anonymous said...

Nazism is not a joking matter. If that Asian funny-man with the Hitleer icon lived during Hitler's rule in Nazi Germany, he will be taken away and dealt with, like all the others that don't belong to the white supremacy ideal. Laugh it up-funny man.

Anonymous said...

He funny?

Anonymous said...

yes cpf is the best scheme on planet earth, 100% save, triple A rating, only problem is whatever goes in don't comes out or only comes out at the whims and fancy of our caring, super talented million dollars ministers..

really pity those nearing their 55 years old, work for the last 30 or more years at the longest work week on planet earth, paying income taxes (delay you be fine or they take it from directly from your pay-check monthly from your employer), coe, gst, utility taxes, fines etc and without a single cents from our caring govt and at 55 years can see and count only but cannot touch, like our tooth pick thief very happy each time see their statement...

Anonymous said...

I would rather put real money into my wife's pocket than into someone else's pocket. Even with no interest, it is still my money or her money to use.

It is unwise to tell your wife she is stupid or an idiot.

Matilah_Singapura said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Matilah_Singapura said...

@ lacking sense of humour 1130:

>> Nazism is not a joking matter. <<

Then it is up to us to make it a joking matter. Why? For entertainment, that's why.

Here we go:

Q: How do you pick up a Jewish girl?
A: With a broom and dustpan

Q:What do you call a flying jew?
A: Smoke

Q: How many Jews can you get in a Volkswagen Beetle?
A: 1,004, two in the front, two in the back and 1,000 in the ashtrays!

Amortal said...

Uncle Red Bean,

The CPF (Central Provident Funds) Scheme started off as a very Noble scheme to help Singaporeans to retire with enough money to spend for the rest of their life time. Simple and straight forward. The leaders during that time were not cunning "schemers" but very sincere and honest people with a compassionate heart.

During LKY's Premiership, people were allowed to withdraw all their CPF Savings when they reached age 55. The CPF Board even presented them with an expensive Brief Case for them to keep the "Cheque".

Next, came The Swiss Standard of Living Lau Goh, of Peanut-Wife and Quitter-Daughter Fame. People during his tenure as PM could still withdraw all their savings at age 55. The only difference was: instead of being presented with an Expensive Brief Case, they were presented with an expensive Umbrellas. That was still okay, isn't it?

Now, under this Big Bully, Small-Hearted and Greedy PM who wants only to "Grow the GDP at ALL COSTS", fix the Oppositions and Buy Voters' Votes with Mee Siam Mai Hum added, people who reached the age of 55 can get a cheque of only $5,000, with the rest of their CPF Savings LOCKED UP until they reach 65, or 67 in time to come. Then they will get a monthly allowance of between $300 to $3000 depending on how much they have in their CPF Savings at that time.

So, the CPF is not a Central Provident Fund any more. It would be more appropriate to call it as the Completely Prostituted Fund.

Do you agree, Uncle Red Bean?

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

Can't disagree with you. Now with your CPF still not enough. They want you to put money into your wife's CPF and for them to keep.

Something is very seriously wrong that they are so desperate to want more people to put more money into the CPF. What is the real reason behind all this? Altruism?

You are absolutely right to say that the first generation leaders were truly people with a heart of gold. They wanted you to save money for retirement and when you retired, they returned you the money. They built cheap flats for the people to have a roof over their heads without emptying their CPF savings and incurring a life time of debt.

They offered good jobs for the citizens. Now they offered good jobs to foreigners.

They offered scholarships to our citizens. Now they offered scholarships to foreigners.

What more, you can add on.

There is something sinisterly wrong with the whole scheme of things.

b said...

The pap under the son is different from the pap under the father and thats why the father do not wanna die cos he knows that he has passed the seat to the wrong guy.