23 Jokes of 2014

Below is a list of events/sayings, not in any order of merit that made it to my list of Jokes of 2014. The list is not exhaustive but I am exhausted listing trying to remember the long list of queer things that happened in the year.

1. Prime Modi is the Asian of the Year awarded by the Straits Times. The citation of his great achievements, ‘he met many head of states’.
2. Singapore will be in deep trouble when PAP is voted out in the next GE.
3. Philippines are buying 3 patrol boats to counter the PRC Navy in the South China Sea. And Vietnam also bought 3 submarines to do the same against China’s submarine fleet of 65.
4. The Malays are the new beggars in Malaysia by Mahathir.
5. Australian PM Abbott knows the location of the missing MH370 aircraft.
6. The New York policemen are fearing for their lives and are afraid to answer calls for help by the public. They rather remain in the safety of the police station.
7. Singapore is building smart cities in India. Modi is more realistic and only aspires to build more toilets.
8. Holding a protest rally in Hong Lim Park can be sued for public nuisance.
9. Elected Members of Parliament wanting to hold a community event need to get approval from grassroot leaders that are non elected volunteer community leaders.
10. Over charging a client by millions of dollars is not overcharging but over billing, therefore not an offence.
11. A young foreigner, stranger with no relationship, could obtain a Lasting Power of Attorney to manage the assets of a very rich widow.
12. Millionaires and billionaires begging the govt for help.
13. The world’s most highly paid leaders need to travel overseas to learn from leaders around the world earning a fraction of their income on how to take care of the aged.
14. HDB lost $2b building public housing.
15. Oil prices fell by 40% and public transport companies are asking for fare hikes.
16. Communist China is the world’s biggest economy, over taking the USA and Japan, two top capitalist countries.
17. Singapore’s financial centre cannot find Singaporeans with the required skill sets for banking and finance but can find them in the 3rd world villages.
18. Singapore, the top financial centre in Southeast Asia, is starting to plan for Sinkies for top management positions in the banking and finance industry starting in 2014.
19. Sinkies would allow anyone in the world to replace them in jobs in Singapore and believing these people are more talented than them, daft Sinkies.
20. There is no law against rogue traders cheating on tourists. Oops, they are not cheating, just clever and operating within the laws.
21. CPF is our money, or is it?.
22. God created the world and made Adam and Eve. Everything else is Made in China. (This is quoted from a blogger called Flabbergasted posting in TRE)
23. It cost $120k to get rid of 230 rats or more than 500 Singapore dollars per rat. This is more than what a person on social assistance scheme would receive in a month.

Kopi Level - Green


Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

Should I add this as another joke of the years? There is letter posted in TRE by a taxi driver called Mike Yeo. I quote,

'Dear Dr. Lam (PAP MP),

I, Mike Yeo, stand before you at my wits end.

I used to be a Regional Marketing / Sales and Training Manager for a pharmaceutical company and it was effectively a Regional Director’s position. I was earning about $15,000/month then.

I spent almost 10 years in the industry and company, since January 2005 and was made redundant in March 2013....However sir, I am now working almost 15 hours a day every day just to be able to feed my family and also to repay some of the more priority debts likes power and gas and marketing and so on.

I do not even have money to put my 5 year old child to school and or to pay for any medications....'

Is he a daft and lazy sinkie that deserved to be replace by a foreigner? Your turn will be next.

Anonymous said...

The joke is that Mike Yeo is writing to a PAP MP for help.
Does Mike Yeo still think PAP is on his side?
If this is not a daft Sinkie, then I don't know what is.

Mike Yeo should be mobilizing his friends and family into a pro Opposition voting bloc.
"If you can't help me, why should I vote for Yew and your tax funded millionaire salary?"

Anonymous said...

how about this one:

$1,000 income can buy a 2 rm HDB flat!
$1,000 income can buy a 2 rm HDB flat!


Anonymous said...

Pretend Action Party

1. They pretend the HDB flats belong to us.

2.They pretend we "own" our cars. If we own our cars, then why must we pay for another COE 10 years later?

3. They pretend they create jobs for Singaporeans, when seven in ten new jobs go to foreigners.

4. They pretend they are on our side. With "friends" like these, who need enemies?

5. They pretend we have a world class school system. If really so good, then why is our tuition industry growing so rapidly?

6. They pretend 3rd world talents have skills that Singaporeans don't have.
So why are they still sending our SAF and President scholars to USA instead of India and Philippines?

GE 2016.
They can continue to pretend to work and care for Singaporeans.
But we don't have to pretend to believe them anymore.
Unless you are a daft Sinkie.

Anonymous said...

anonymous 9.29am pls note.....

Very very impressed with your comments.......


Anonymous said...

The ultimate joke...the daft sinkies believe everything the govt told them

Matilah_Singapura said...

Here is my list of non-jokes for all time:

1. The Sheeple Get The Govt and The Cuntry They Deserve.

2. You Can't Cheat An Honest Man

3. Entitlement Mentality is very much alive and well in Singapore

The thing about "non-jokes" is that they turn out in the end to be FUNNIER than actual jokes---but in order to achieve this state of hilarity, people must ACT. It is the ACTION which leads to consequences, and voila...you have entertainment! It is that "sweet spot"--the Holy Grail of all thespians and mesmerising theatre--to create a comic tragedy, or a tragic comedy!

Singapore, keep on acting...you're HILARIOUS! And tragic. But funny. But miserable. But farcical. But woeful. But epic. But sloppy... :-))

Got funny duality?

Anonymous said...

the man in the street now needs to fork out S$4,312-00 for a piece of paper dictated by the pap-led govt on top of his motorcycle purchase price, a very basic mode of transport.

Anonymous said...

The govt transport ministry is taking the people for a ride. Why must a motorcyclist is forced to pay for a useless piece of paper ?
If more good opposition parliamentarians got elected, the policy regarding this category of road users, who are wage earners, would be changed.

Anonymous said...

"If more good opposition parliamentarians got elected, the policy regarding this category of road users, who are wage earners, would be changed."
December 31, 2014 1:15 pm

Talk no use.
Organize all your friends & family into a voting bloc for the Opposition.

Pretend Action Party
Where everything is just pretend.
Only their salary is not pretend money.

Anonymous said...

No. 9 takes the cake. It has the most bullshit because it is truly unbelievable.

b said...

Bravo for RB for his fantastic coverage of sg jokes. RB beat ST hands down providing readers with high entertainment value. Clap clap.

b said...

" Why must a motorcyclist is forced to pay for a useless piece of paper ? "

- because the pigs said so

Sg = animal farm.
colonial master = Jones
PAP = pigs
Gov = dogs
People = all other animals
Matilah = donkey Benjamin

b said...

RB = george orwell

Anonymous said...

Well done, Mr b.

Anonymous said...

God made the world but the Dutch made Holland (the Netherlands).

Happy New Year.

Your jokes made me rolling on the floor, laughing out loud - or ROFLOL.

Bertrand Russell the Nobel Laureate said: I do not wish to be thought in earnest only when I am solemn. Many things need to be said, but not necessarily in a portentous tone of voice.

Virgo 49 said...

Mike Yeo should joined the Opposition Party in the coming Elections and for two to three weeks kang kor tham poo in the walkabout instead of driving fifteen hours gets elected and have minimum MP allowance of 16k one k more than his previous salary as Regional Manager.

Thereafter relac lah bro. One year just three to five Parliament meetings. Can poteng somemore to do other side business. One week just meet the people's session. Can relegate to RC kaki if feel not going down.

Next five years guarantee allowances on time. Not scared retrenched or jan salaries take in june or july take in dec as some firms does.

After give 5 years at least 900 over k If two terms got special gratuity or pension. After that lose lose lah, never mind thann tio leow.

In Parliament just keep mum and knocked head. Smile abit.

Where to find this type of job.??? Government slaves respect some more. Loyal residents some more used my name to frighten others. My tai kok so so.

don't farked around with me.

Virgo 49 said...

Motor cycle also space of car???

At first, they said need to control number of vehicles on roads.

Next they said need to regulate number of vehicles on roads.

Then they said flow of roads traffic too slow so must lay toll to regulate flow.

Then its morning office hours that affect businesses. Paid only this time of day.

Later also evenings and even pay two to three times in restricted zone.

Future, satellite tracking. So you moved vehicles in car park just to wash wash, also pay.

We do not called ourselves PAY And PAY for nothing.

Virgo 49 said...

Why lee Hsien Loon did not get the Asian Leader of The Year Award???

See how fast he congratulate the princess and kings of their newborns.

See how fast he offers his condolences to any disasters of any countries.

See how fast they deployed then armed services to help.

But own citizens especially the pioneer oldies who built the nation are left struggling with plasters on legs and hands collecting crockery in hawker centres and selling tissue papers.

Chiak par too free to offer congratulations and condolences??

One not enough, two also kooked??

patriot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
patriot said...

Sinkies very lucky to have a kind and generous prime minister.

They should be very proud of him.


Anonymous said...

Yes, yes, yes. If ST didn't find him good enough, we can give him the Award.

The Award Asian of the Year goes to Lee Hsien Loong, from the Panel of mysingaporenews.

Anonymous said...

And the citation, 'He met more presidents and prime ministers than Modi'.

Anonymous said...

Modi only can afford to build toilets for India. Our PM will be building smart cities for them. And this one not only talk only. Working on it oredy. Modi still talk talk only but when will it happen no one knows.