6/05/2012

The best fund manager’s job




The best fund manager is one that can take all his clients’ money to gamble and pay himself crazily when the bet wins, and then can brag to the clients how clever he is. And if loses, never mind, twists the arms of the clients to put in more money and the clients cannot say no.

And better still, no need to show the clients how the fund is performing, just write whatever he wants to tell the clients. Just tell the clients to trust him.

And even better still, no need to refund the clients any money if there is no money in the kitty to refund the clients.

What a wonderful job. No accountability, no transparency, no responsibility and nobody’s money. The money is as good as his to do as he pleases. My dream job.

19 comments:

The said...

Hmmm, wonder where on earth I can get such a job. So near, yet so far. I am a real fund manager, so I suppose by their definition, I am not a talent. They believe in marriedtocracy, oops, meritocracy.

Anonymous said...

eh, not as simple as you think lei redbean. The fund is evaluated annually externally. And you need to refund the client all his money to his children when the client dies, i.e, you cannot keep client's money.

Anonymous said...

Redbean,
We all know which Sovereign Fund you are talking.

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

Uh, I am talking about the ideal fund that I would like to manage. As to the concern of anon 11:04, my fund will only be auditted internally. External auditors not welcomed. It will not be public listed, maybe registered in Bermuda, bo cheng hu.

As for paying their children, ok lah when they died, by then I also gone to heaven oredy. Not my problem anymore: )

Matilah_Singapura said...

Indeed it is a dream job. And that's why most funds are shit as are the managers running them.

However the pool of suckers is infinite. People motivated by fear and greed will always be there, ready to be plucked, with zero sympathy from people like me. No one forced them into any fund. It was themselves and their emotions that did it, and so they deserve to be screwed.

Funds are almost completely free market. As redbean correctly says: boh cheng hu in Bermuda or some other exotic locale. In the free market the onus is solely on YOU to protect your ass. Caveat Emptor. If your fund makes money (as many of them do), it pays no tax. If you keep your money offshore, you also pay no tax.

Got BVI company?

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

The most frightening think is that most investors did not know that all the American modelled stock markets are worst than unregulated casinos. and the fund managers are betting on gambling products that they called derivatives. They were simply betting slips and not investment products.

And the regulatory bodies allowed those products to be sold to the sophisticated clients who believe they were sophisticated and know best.

The biggest con job in financial history.

Matilah_Singapura said...

"You can't cheat an honest man."

The con jobs are not likely to cease. Caveat emptor, or go the fuck home with the financial ruin by your own stupidity and lack of vigilance lah.

Except for one IPO I bought in the 1990's, I liquidated in 2006, and there is NO WAY I'll put one cent into equities the way they are today.

Got ROI?

Anonymous said...

Cash is not King , Not equities not hard assets ... All things deflate eventually , there is no escaping the great reset.

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

Agree with anon 1:16. Someone is going to press reset soon.

jjgg said...

RB ..how to reset ah..our pawn shop banks so heavily invested in properties portfolios, consumer/car loans...cheng hu die die also need to print money to support..I crystal ball gaze n I see...sooner or later residential properties sold at 50 years lease...enough for 2 generations of daftees..also to prop up value of 100 years leasehold ..otherwise all will peng san..hehehe..Europe try to reset after 10 years and already got headache...we try to reset after 40 years?? Pappies will never reset but just kick the can further down the road until the daftees revolt...hehehe

Anonymous said...

Even the CPF can be reset to zero , in my humble opinion , it oredi is .. sinkies just suckered to fill in the blackk hole ... while the whole world inflates debt away ... sinkies get enslaved to pay for it forever. so , sinkies need to multiply more ... we need more suckerrrrssss

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

Come to think of it, reset to zero can be a solution. Alternatively print $1m for each citizen while prices remain steady may also do the trick.

Just like in Thailand, they are calling for a reset, an amnesty and pardon for political victims.

patriot said...

Dafties revolt!

Not even when they are put on the grill, not to mention tat many are swimming happily in the boiling water, oblivious to everything around them. Sinkies just love to be boiled and roasted, it is kind of fun way to die.

Anonymous said...

redbean,
Before you press reset, maybe you should ask your grandchildren whether they want granddaddy to press reset, for if and when granddaddy press, they can kiss their millionaire dreams goodbye.

Anonymous said...

There are plenty of BILLIONAIRES IN INDONESIA AND VIETNAM and almost all the Indonesian and Vietnamese are millionAires. Let your successors join them.

Matilah_Singapura said...

@anon 116:

Free CASH *FLOW* is king.

(Free cash flow = Operating cash flow - capital expenditure

"Cash" here being a common (by fiat, not choice) medium of exchange, what we call "money" or "currency".

Even if the govt is debasing the currency by printing, or money supply is increasing (and thus reducing the purchasing power) by the credit generated by Fractional Reserve Banking, if you have reliable free cash flow, you'll sleep very well at night.

Even if your currency is sea shells, dried pig's balls, bits of paper printed with pictures of dead president's, or bananas...it doesn't matter. The more "flow" you have, the more choices for EXCHANGE you'll be able to make, to satisfy whatever hierarchy of needs you may have.

Anonymous said...

Matilah , agree with you on the "flow" ... for majority of the sinkie plebian , money almost always flows back to ah gong's pocket... the faster the flow ,the more indebted sinkies become.

Got Temasick board seat ?

Matilah_Singapura said...

@anon 948:

As long as you are in Singapore, you have to pay the resident gangsters some "kopi money". In fact it is the same anywhere else in the world.

Like I said in my cash-flow post: The idea is positive, FREE cash flow -- the filthy lucre that is left over for your greedy self after paying off expenses and the "gangster tax".

Matilah_Singapura said...

P.S. At least the gangsters i Singapore take less on a per-capita basis -- unless you buy a car ;-)

The gangsters in most western democracies take at least 50% of your revenue.

I'd choose the "smaller evil" anyday :-)