4/30/2016

Trump's first day at the Oval Office.

First briefing by the CIA, FBI and Pentagon

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas lobby.

Trump: Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them.

CIA: We can't do that. It is Modi in India and not Manmohan.

Trump: So what?

CIA: Modi will cut Balochistan out of Pak.

Trump: I don't care.

CIA: India will have peace in Kashmir. They will stop buying our weapons. They will become a superpower. We have to fund Pakistan to keep India busy in Kashmir.

Trump: But you have to destroy the Taliban.

CIA: Sir, we can't do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes.

Trump: We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East. Let us start with the Saudis.

Pentagon: Sir, we can't do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We can't have democracy there, otherwise their people will get that oil - and we cannot let their people own it.

Trump: Then, let us invade Iran.

Pentagon: We cannot do that either, sir.

Trump: Why not?

CIA: We are talking to them, sir.

Trump: What? Why?

CIA: We want our stealth drone back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate us as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check.

Trump: Then let us invade Iraq again.

CIA: Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq.

Trump: Why not the whole of Iraq?

CIA: We need the Shi'ite gov't of Iraq to keep ISIS in check.

Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US.

FBI: We can't do that.

Trump: Why not?

FBI: Then our own population will become fearless.


Trump: I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of the border.

Contributed by Virgo in a comment. I upgrade it to a post.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

It is funny but it makes sense.

virgo49 said...

This is what the Americunts had been exploiting the whole world for the past century.

And the stupid natives of all creek and colour sucks up and worshipped them like God's.

Reversed GOD - DOG

Virgo 49 said...

Trump: I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of border

Border Patrol: You can't do that Sir

Trump: Why not??

Border Patrol: If they gone, who will build the wall ?

Trump: I am banning H1Bs

USCIS: You cannot do that Sir

Trump: Why not?!

Chief of staff : If you do so. we have to outsource to Bangalore which is in India

Trump: What the Hell should I do?

CIA; Enjoy the White House, Sir, we take care of everything


Just like the dud Ministers said : Enjoy your stay at the Istana look for the barn owls, we cock up everything


Cheers

Anonymous said...

Do you think it sounds like a meeting to do nothing?
Do you think it sounds a lot like Singapore under the PAP government over the last 10 years?
Everything also cannot do ... but keep paying more money?

Virgo 49 said...


Prof Chee now must address him professor.

Bukit Buttocks residents might be in blogs to make up their fence sitters minds.

Prof Chee said LHL's salary one day 8000.

Mininsters -5000

So kee chiu became exhibition man running around chou boh lan and 5000 x 4 days holding LKY's memorial service.

Don't know he so kut lat doing his father's death anniversary or not.

That's why you see Grace disgraceful also very kut lat.

Eh bro 5k a day. We six months 5k some more 12 hours.

Kena spit by the ah nehs, ang mos for opening barriers too slow.

Slaves and beggars in own country.

China have ang mo doormen.

At least they have pride in their own countrymen.



Anonymous said...

Santiago , new president of philippines called Trump US president: “china war ships prevented us fishing, we gonna blust their war boats.” Trump: “hellow, dear, u had said in presidential debate, if philippines win the war with China, philipinnas cannot afford to feed 1.4 billions refugees. I know u the war will be in china s favor. US know what to do. US will send Stennis to frighten china. Look Santiago, this protection will cost philippine 1% of its gdp, u agree to the deal?”

President Santiago, “Hold it, Mr President, Obama did not charge any protection fee”. Trump:” Obama was dump. ” Santiago: “Hold it Trump, i will call Abe.”

Santiago called old fren Abe, ” moshibishi, anoneh, Abe san, philippines will need your war ships, our navy will be on board to use them for a war with China. Also, we need to rent your fighter jets. We want to beat china this time.”

Abe:”Asso ka, beato China. i will call US.” Abe:” Trump san, Japan is at war with China for South China island.”
Trump:” Oh, so ka. Can. We will sail our stennis over. To protect Senkaku island, US charges half % of Japan GDP, to protect Japan, US standard charge is 1% gdp, to upgrade nuclear protection for Japan, US charge 2% Japan GDP, total 4.5% GDP. This is the bill.”
“For this stennis sailing to china sea is a special assignment, half % GDP. If china fires, at war, we will charge 1% gdp for firing.” Abe: ” asso ka. hold hold hold. Japan has no money.” Trump: ” US no money.”

Meanwhile, US sent bills to Australia, Denmark, UK, Italy for their peaceful protection fee bills.

No country want to have war with each other or china because US is going to charge them for the global security protection. Disputes are discussed peacefully among nations.

Within 8 years, US deficit is fully paid off. US becomes a land of limited poor people. No mexican poor immigrants are in US under Trump to tax its health system due to the 20 foot wall. US becomes a land that welcome highly talented immigrants. Singaporeans like to immigrate to US. The airlines are busy flying non stop and crews are all smiling.

Ⓜatilah $ingapura⚠️ said...

Hillary's first day at the Oval Orifice:

"WOW! It's great to be home" Now let's take over the world. Confiscate everyone's guns and ban free speech. Arrest and jail anyone who makes jokes about women. Admit another 1 million Middle Eastern refugees.

Bill Clinton is what?... First Lady? First Gentleman? Duke? Consort? WTF? πŸ˜‚

Bill Clinton: "WOW! My wife is sitting at my former desk in my former office where I had my dick sucked and asshole licked! God Bless America!"

Sorry chaps, I don't think Trump will smell the Whitehouse. Hillary will pull ahead toward the end, simply because she's a better (Machiavellian) politician, a superior manipulator of the public, and a superb "back-channel" deal maker for Wall Street, the unions and every fucking connected Washington lobbyist (which Trump wants to destroy) and insider.

Hillary is the greater EVIL. In politics that's a big advantage.

virgo49 said...

Matilah, possibly you are right.

Clinton's slogan: Fighting for Us. Or U.S.

The Americans loved it.

It means conquering the whole Dud world for us- The USA

Ⓜatilah $ingapura⚠️ said...

@ virgo49:

I did enjoy reading your piece, BTW.

The current US prez race is a contest in who can get America to hate the other candidate MORE. Both Clinton and Trump are HATED...there is no "good choice" here.

I am buying a case of champagne to party with friends on the day the results are announced. The theme of my bash will be "Proof Positive: The Sheeple always get the ASSHOLE they deserve". πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚

Any which way the damn thing swings, comedians will have a plethora of material to draw from for at least 4 years (one presidential term). Geeks will be photoshopping Ivana's image so the whole internet can jerk off to pornography featuring Ivana in all sorts of "stimulating" situations, Bill will be the world's biggest official chee kopek, and most famous hum sup grandfather of all time trying to bang everything...even overseas on official presidential visits...

...and The Donald and Hillary Rodham will be exerting all sorts of fuckery domestically and internationally. For the first time in history, other cuntries might be sending their ambassadors to the Dept of State to tell the Secretary: "Please tell your boss NOT to visit our cuntry!! Please, I'm begging you!"

...fuck lah, comedy GOLD!

Ⓜatilah $ingapura⚠️ said...

Here are 2 of the very ruthless, smart and powerful "men behind the scenes" of the Trump campaign:

1. Paul Manafort

2. Roger Stone

Not to put a finer point on my recurrent theme highlighting the importance of being "expert with wielding evil" in order to win political contests, the best part of being able to "master evil" is to project your image as a "good and moral person" in order to win votes. In tandem with this is the ability of "mastered evil" to politically assassinate your opponent so that they are excised from the public mind totally (like Bernie Sanders, Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio...gone forever...and very soon John Kasich)

Wanna win? How dirty can you play?

virgo49 said...

Hi Matilah, think they change presidential party every two terms of their rule.

Next election should be The Republicans.

Then should be Trump.

Less hawkish than Clinton.

Ⓜatilah $ingapura⚠️ said...

@ virgo49:

Although it might appear to be that way, I doubt that is the case every time.

Politically Trump and Clinton are not that different: they both want to use the absolute power of the state to achieve their objectives.

Trump is not a typical Republican. And the republican party is "broken" thanks to Trump. Before becoming a republican, Trump was a card-carrying DEMOCRAT and even gave money to the Clinton's campaigns. Trump is essentially a "RINO"---republican in name only.

Clinton is also not a true democrat. She's too comfy with Wall St and way too hawkish.

I've have long suspected that using LABELS to describe the real world is fraught with potential errors. If words used to describe something cannot be backed up with facts, or go agains the facts, then words are just certain "noises" and "squiggles on paper" humans use to analyse the world, and fail at it.

At the end of the day, AN INDIVIDUAL gets voted in. What party they belong to or PRETEND to belong to doesn't really matter.

Anonymous said...

Trump
or
Hilary
is the
same.
They will have
to clean up the
shits left behind
by George Bush.