6/25/2007

nice idea

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency May 10, 2007: Washington, DC (AP) -- Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of July 1, 2007. The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead that the office has incurred during the last 5 y ears. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge. " stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay." Reynolds noted. Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will assume the office of President as of July 1, 2007. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily a t night, when few offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President." A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem as President Bush had never been familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years, with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about." Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit. Mr. Bush has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

Why don't US congress outsource themselves to India as well. Let the Congress Party of India take over.

Matilah_Singapura said...

A great idea. The Indians assassinate more leaders than the Americans do.

Politicians need to be culled occasionally to restore "balance" to the universe, and assassins play a crucial role in this process.

God Bless The Assassins!

Lost4ever said...

Perhaps Singapore MUST outsource our whole government to cut cost.

redbean said...

aiya matilah,
assasination is not of interest here lah. we are talking about employment and outsourcing. and since the us president doesn't need to do much except just follow instructions or read from the scrip, anyone can do it. and india is the number one outsourcing centre and quite cheap as well.

if any govt got any position that does not need the incumbent to think or make decisions and can do with just reading off prepared scripts, such position should be outsourced to save cost.

Anonymous said...

US$320 a month for the position of US president. Is this from the Great India Sale?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
US$320 a month for the position of US president. Is this from the Great India Sale?


Not necessary. They got many layers of advisers and councils of advisers that can do the job with their bright perm secs. Furthermore many policies are in templates and mechanical if not just look abroad to copy solutions. In the end the main job is to kiss babies or go abroad for cocktails and socialising in the golf course.

Anonymous said...

And make futuristics speeches

Matilah_Singapura said...

> assasination is not of interest here lah

It is of interest to me, you idiot. ;-)

India is well know for its efficient assassinations, especially if one's name is Ghandi.

George Bush, Ghandi Bush... close enough lah!

Ka -booom!

redbean said...

you having too much toddy again. who cares about how many assassinations in india? the punchline in this outsourcing offer is about the ridiculous nature of a presidency that could have been replace by any dud.

i call you idiot also no use cause you will hide behind your toddy bottle.

Anonymous said...

Watching you toddy!

*elle*

Matilah_Singapura said...

Wah, redbean... you sure don't sound sober yourself.

Dun get angry lah, just becoz my punch line is better than yours. Let go and move on lah..

Alamak that moronic cunt *elle* is here (so it seems). Yoh *elle* why don't you fuck off back to redbean forum, you fucking loser you?

redbean said...

hi elle,

nice to know that you are here. and the trinity is together. wow! how about the good, the bad and the ugly?

dun worry about what matilah said. let him sober up and he will be human again : )

Anonymous said...

Huloooooooooo the show "yes minister" has already revealed it all

redbean said...

oh i forgot. elle, your presence here will drive matilah crazy : )

he will be under tremendous pressure to outshine you. hahaha matilah.

enjoy the engagement in fine english gentleman style versus the australia crocodile dundee outback style.

Anonymous said...

Lost4ever said...
Perhaps Singapore MUST outsource our whole government to cut cost.



it is in the pipeline i think everything is so efficient with the internet

Anonymous said...

I think whatever is cheap and good would be excellent to all

redbean said...

actually it is a possibility to outsource the whole cabinet and oversee it by a holy trinity. then the real cost will be limited to 3 while one peanut would be enough for the outsourced cabinet. sure a lot of savings and no loss of good governing ideas.

Anonymous said...

I agree, alot of the work and brainstorming must have been done at the psecs levels and the guys at that levels are the real geniuses.

Anonymous said...

no loss of good governing ideas


sure or not, where would singapore be without you know who

Anonymous said...

Can see you all are ungrateful brats! I have said that before rember? Now you know why the foreigners are treated better hahaha!

Matilah_Singapura said...

redbean, if this wasn't your blog, I'd tell you to "fuck off" as well. :)

Wah... you spoiling to see some "action" between elle and myself aren't you—what's the matter, you life to fucking shallow, your existence too jaded, and let me guess... you need some assistance to get an erection?

What's this shite about "outshining" one another?

I'm just a beach bum here for my own selfish entertainment — preferably at your expense :-)

redbean said...

anonymous,

i never forget about the holy trinity : )

redbean said...

matilah,

aren't you spoiling for a fight with elle? you immediately fired your first salvo at elle the moment his name appeared.

calm down lah and let's all be nice to each other. the three of us will make a good trinity in a way. let's enjoy the company of each other.

elle, right?

Matilah_Singapura said...

In this case I believe in a pre-emptive strike.

You are welcome to be nice to whoever you choose. I'll make up own mind on things, thank you very much. ;-)

Anonymous said...

You're so right about that bastard of a toddy, Redbean.
You've been kicked one time too many, buddy!

*elle*

redbean said...

hahaha,

never mind if you are scolded by a drunkard : )

the guys here will know. like i said earlier, it is so easy to scold someone with vulgarities. but it takes a great discipline to avoid doing so.

redbean said...

oh, matilah and elle,

the three of us should make a very odd threesome. let's not go too far as i have a lot of friends here who are not too comfortable with too expressive language.

thanks.

oh, remember what i said before, use your skills to craft the language for combat without the vulgarities, that is fine art. i am very sure both of you are expert in the english language.

let's amazes the other forumers with your skills.

Anonymous said...

I'm also amazed by the friends and particpation here. Brooding no doubt (who wouldn't, in such circumstances?). But certainly thoughtful and intelligent.

U guys doing well. Cool.

*elle*

Anonymous said...

reddi wrote: it is so easy to scold someone with vulgarities. but it takes a great discipline to avoid doing so.

Balls to you reddie. What a dumb motherfucking thing to say. Silly cunt.

Anonymous said...

mati wrote: in this case I believe in a pre-emptive strike.
You are welcome to be nice to whoever you choose.

Balls to you mati. What a dumb motherfucking thing to say. Silly cunt.