4/10/2011

My Manifarceto

I was dreaming of forming an A Team Party, the best party that money can buy. But first I will need a manifesto. Let me try to list down a few of my thoughts. 1. Housing. Make it affordable for three generations to pay. Only families with 3 generations need apply. 2. Public Health. Make it affordable that no cash is needed. Just make sure that the Medisave is raised to whatever it takes. 3. Education. Every child shall have a place in tertiary education at affordable fees which they can take 20 years to pay. 4. Immigration. All talents welcome. 5. Population. 20 million shall be a good start. 6. Public transport. As affordable as Tokyo and with Tokyo’s world class comfort. 7. Politics. Proportional representation by race, age group, gender, sexual preference and housing type, and also age of citizenship. 8. Remuneration for politicians. Pay only for the best and have a salary formula that has no caps. 9. GST. Raise to 20%. Any extras can be used to help the poor. 10. Sports. Use only the best foreign talents money can buy. 11. CPF. Change to Compulsory Protection Fund, to protect the people’s saving. Guaranteed 10% annual interest but cannot withdraw. 12. Law and Order. The govt is the people’s govt, so no need for protest. I think these 12 policies will do for the time being.

21 comments:

Wally Buffet said...

My dream party is called the "No Worries Party".

My party's manifarceto is:

1. No worries about jobs. Anyone who is able to walk, talk, see and hear will get a job, except we cannot guarantee at what remuneration. That's for the employers to decide. Let's be realistic huh?

2. No worries about medical care. Any Sinkapoorean who is sick will get the best medical care available. This means it is up to us to decide what type of medical care you will receive to cure you of your mental or physical illnesses. The help of bomohs and other assorted witchdoctors with all ancillary mumbo jumbo is also not ruled out. What the fuck you care if you're cured at the end of the day?

3. No worries about the influx of foreign talents because we will be selective, not like now. We will only get the best and most beautiful KTV hostesses and masseuses rated for service and physical attributes. As for those Pinoy, Myanmarese, PRC and Indian "talents", all of them will be demoted immediately and laws will be in place to ensure that they work under Sinkapooreans and not the other way round. This will solve all the angst amongst Sinkapooreans that they are working under aliens IN THEIR OWN COUNTRY!

4. No worries about high HDB prices. With immediate effect of our coming into power, a five year accelerated building program will unleash 1,000,000 new flats into the supply chain. BTOs DBSS and all such nonsense will be consigned to the trash bin. PRs are not allowed to buy HDB flats. Newly minted citizens can only buy after at least 10 years of proven loyalty to the country. We don't want immigrant opportunists making a fast buck from the property market and then going home to buy a village or a manor at our expense.

Our Manifarceto is too long to list here as the above is just to give you an idea of what to expect if we are voted in. We must also not take up too much space with Mr. Bean's blog. To check out our full Manifarceto, please visit our website which is www.noworriesparty.com

Finally, our No Worries Party is just that. Absolutely no worries. Just enjoy life, make more babies and carry on shopping, eating and barking orders at the foreign talents.

This is what we at the No Worries Party call a Sweesh Standard Of Living.

Hehe.

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

We need to find a constituency where we can have a one to one contest. No three corner fights.

Some stupid buggers going for three corner fights when they can't even win on one to one. They forget that the deposit could be forfeited.

This is a measure of conceitedness.

Anonymous said...

Your "uniform"...the whitest?

Wally Buffet said...

I think some of the so called "opposition parties" are moles.

Also, you've heard of the term, job hoppers.

There is now also "party hoppers".

Politicians, used car salesmen, property and insurance snake oil sellers, crooked lawyers, mercenary quacks, religious conmen. These are the people I've told my granddaughter to never marry.

Wally Buffet said...

Also, before they are voted in, they'll promise you the moon.

Once they're in office, you'll find that it's the same kettle of fish.

They're no better than their predecessors and you've been fucked big time.

Always bear in mind that it's better the devil you know then the angel you don't know.

Anonymous said...

They will call your manifesto a 'time bomb'.

But, not to worry, if you can deliver, I will vote for you. I think many others will, too. It's too good to be true.

And, please include some measures to alleviate the hardship of the oldies like me. Cleaning toilets, clearing tables and pushing trolleys are jobs too tiresome for us old pack of bones. No need to specially reserve those jobs for us.

If possible reserve some easy jobs for us, like acting as deities or something.

Anonymous said...

By the way, can someone confirm that elections will be held on May 7th. I heard rumours, but I do not know how true it is.

Wally Buffet said...

We promise that our dream No Worries Party will require every business enterprise, stat board, civil service department except for the uniformed services, to employ one oldie above 65 to act as honorary adviser with a decent annual stipend to enable the senior citizen to pass his days happily, gainfully without breaking his old bones. Of course all such candidates must have the credentials of Mr. Bean or better in order to qualify. We cannot have a garung guni oldie advising a billion dollar outfit can we now?

Working hours are flexible. Just turn up if you feel like it. If you're sick as oldies are wont to do, just call up and report sick. No MCs required.

For voting for us, what other promises do you want us to make?

Matilah_Singapura said...

Inshalah, infidels!

You guys are getting too complicated.

The best political party is no political party -- a society of individuals, each one pursuing his own happiness and occasionally colliding, but mostly cooperating with his fellow men.

In that way S'pore immediately assumes HOTEL status in the rubric of your very own, personal existence.

...thus it goes several orders of magnitude beyond wally's 'No Worries Party'.

Therefore the folks who have a 'don't fuck care' attitude now have a choice to adopt my ideas and join nothing, or join wally's party in the spirit of proactive, politically-driven manifesto of having 'no worries'.

Consumer choice. Awesome.

Anonymous said...

Acting as honorary adviser is no full time job. Just reporting for duty once in a blue moon is sufficient, and applying for MC is totally irrelevant.

But of course, the oldies really want to pass their time, so I am sure they will turn up for work as regularly as everyone else, and will be worth every cent of their stipend. Unlike those paid a ransom but choose to stay away during Parliament sittings, eating snake probably. Must report to the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals and ask them to check.

Anonymous said...

After reading through this Thread; any party which adopts Mr Bean's Manifesto will win the Election hands down. All others no fight man.

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

No lah, my manyfarceto is for the Animal Farm. Wally's looks more reasonable.

But must dig deep to find out what he really means, especially on the pricing of HDB and many other things. Yes, must dig deeper for the truth.

Anonymous said...

I am beginning to like this old folks corner, with all the daydreaming about issuing of manifiascos. How about divulging your shadow cabinets as well? I am sure all the talented shadows will put the ruling party to shame.

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

Let me try ok. Matilah can be the PM. Problem is that he is too KL. So better make him the Home Minister. Patriot is obvious choice for Defence. His patriotism is showing everywhere. Wally is good as Foreign Minister. He loves to travel and make merry, make intercourse and cultivate relationship. I don't mine being Housing Minister and build all the flats I want for the people: ) The PM hasn't shown his face yet.

We still have many positions to be filled. You guys nominate please. All the shadow ministers, please stand out into the light.

Matilah_Singapura said...

anon 905

You have dangerous ideas. People like me should never be given responsibility because -- I tell you straight up so there's no misunderstanding later -- there is no way I will follow any rules or laws. I will act completely by my own 'rules', especially the rules which track my whims.

As PM, I will invade Malaysia. I won't even bother declaring war -- I will initiate a hostile act.

As Home Affairs minister I will be a hard-working and busy motherfucker. I'll:

1. Detain as many of the 'old guard' under their favourite law : The ISA -- and have their pets executed by hanging at Changi.

2. Their assets will be seized under the asset confiscation for criminals laws.

3. Their assets will be used for running gentlemen's messes, whore houses, gambling dens, tobacco and alcohol distribution and sales, pornographic film production and marketing (all 'vices' will be legal and subject to normal corporate taxation under my watch)

4. The revenue from vice activities (aka 'life's awesome pleasures') with be redistributed into people's bank accounts -- equal split -- which they can draw on to spend...probably on vices :-)

5. Crimes will be limited to theft, murder, fraud, initiation or threat of physical force. Everythings else -- legal. Responsible and mental stable people with no criminal record will earn the privilege to carry side arms. Ex-police and ex-military will be allowed to conceal their weapons, and be 'encouraged' to be armed at all times. This means we always have a 'first response', distributed citizen militia everywhere on the island at all times.

6. ERP's will reach 3 figures during severe peak periods. So if you are driving in a hurry on Friday evening, be prepared to fork over $100 -- i.e. better make sure your cash card is topped up. It is the cops job to ensure the roads are safe.

...but seriously, I would make a hopeless civil servant, and I hate politics too much to ever seriously consider participating in it.

There is a limit to how much I whore myself out to be mercilessly fucked in all body cavities. f you get fucked too much, your value diminishes ;-)

Matilah_Singapura said...

The above post should be to redbean 905.

Written under the influence of vodka.

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

See, my choice for what Matilah can do is just perfect. Hedonism, anarchy and individualism will be the order of the day. Everyone pursuing his own happiness in his own way.

Anonymous said...

Me will do just one thing, pretend for a moment i am the Minister Of Defence. The First Thing me will do will be TO ABOLISH NATIONAL SERVICE.

THE DEFENCE OF SINGAPORE SHALL BE IN THE HANDS OF PROFESSIONALS.

I can sense that majority of the conscripts are not interested in soldiering. In fact if there are no penalty, me doubts any will volunteer to be in the SAF.

patriot

Anonymous said...

In making Patriot the Minister for Defence and if he immeidately abolishes National Service, that will sure save us a lot of money. Good idea.

But, one problem. If National Service is abolished, why do we need a Minister for Defence? Everything can be outsourced to professionals, even the Minister's job as well. I can bet it will definitely be cheaper and better.

So, I am sure he would not abolish National Service lah! His own job is on the line. Politicians usually say one thing before they are elected, but do something else after.

Hahaha

Chua Chin Leng aka redbean said...

Patriot is not a seasoned politician. Please forgive him for not protecting his own job. With some experience he will know what to do.

Anonymous said...

Say whatever anyone likes, me knows, Singaporeans know and the LEADERS KNOW TOO, that Singaporeans cannot be very reliable for anything. If not, why do they use Gurkhas instead of locals to protect themselves.

Me kwai kwai did my National Service too and instead of claiming that i can protect the State, me will tell everyone that i need the protection and care from my leaders. I and most other Singaporeans are too busy working for survivals and are not able to protect them or the State.

And what the hell was our PRIME MINISTER TALKING? WHEN ASKED ABOUT THE PLIGHTS OF SINGAPOREANS, HE(PM) SAID THAT IT IS NOT THE PROBLEM OF SINGAPOREANS LOSING OUT TO FOREIGN TRASH. HE SAID THAT IT IS THE AMOUNT OF MONEY OUTSIDE SINGAPORE THAT WE SINGAPOREANS WILL LOSE OUT.
WTF is he talking about? The Audience talk about the survival of the Local and he went away talking about the wealth outside of this tiny rock. If me may use the Words of Wally, the PM needs to have a hold of himself and not fluttered away from the subject in discussion. He got to give due respects to those that spent time to meet up with him to talk about NATION BUILDING.

patriot