A year of masturbation

I was quite amused by this article in the Today paper by Devadas Krishnadas. It has a title, ‘A year of maturation for Singapore’. He went on to list out some of the major events that happened and how PAP reacted to them. Let me take a different perspective on the events that were the highlights of 2013.
 
The most fearful and unhappy event was the Population White Paper with a 6.9m target by 2030. The two huge protests that were unexpected let to a series of masturbations with the 6.9m being explained as only a planning number. This was subsequently supported with great plans to build three mature housing estates that could take in enough people to fit in nicely with the 6.9m number. Maybe these housing plans are also for planning purposes only.
 
The attendance numbers of those protestors in Hong Lim were masturbated from a range of 10,000 to 2,000, the former reported in social media and the latter in the main media. The crowd was so big that the reporters had serious problems counting or telling the difference between a 10,000 crowd and a 2,000 crowd.
 
A related problem to the 6.9m population is the influx of foreign workers and how the citizens were losing out to foreigners in employment. The trick to soften, blur, diffuse or confuse was to throw out employment numbers with citizens and PRs lumped together as locals. This kind of masturbation did not bring about the ecstasy but more anger and ridicule by the unhappy citizens. They refused to be misled by such wishy washy data and are demanding that the masturbation stops. Unfortunately no one is listening and data for locals continue to be published as the right data.
 
The next masturbation was the PSI numbers churning out and reported in the news as current numbers. These were met with another outcry when the people on the ground were engulfed by thick haze but the PSI numbers were reported as non hazardous. With the protest getting louder, it was further explained that a 24 hour PSI number is better than a current number. Of course no one believed in this baloney.
 
The new Media regulation to masturbate the new media needed no further explanation. It was crude masturbation under the glaring eyes of the public. What else is there to say?
 
And there was this huge National Conversation that was abbreviated to Natcon. Subsequently, after a few more sessions of masturbation it was renamed Our Singapore Conversation. And the intent was to get Sinkies involved in national policy making or like bringing the govt to ground level.
 
The Little India riot was unforgettable. How to masturbate a major outbreak of violence on the streets when policemen were injured and police vehicles were burnt? It ran short of calling it a once in 50 year happening. It was a once off incident caused by alcohol. And the rioters were very nice people. And some even said it was normal, they are like that. So no big problem really. It would not happen again.
 
The biggest and most natural of all the masturbations must be the two cases involving senior public officers in the car parks. And the icing was that the women were throwing themselves at the ‘pop stars’.
 
What a year of masturbation!